compersion

Compersion tends to be especially strong when we find that two people we love feel affection for each other.

They comment that compersion can coexist with jealous feelings.

Polyamorous people have invented a word to indicate the opposite feeling of jealousy - compersion.

PolyOz defines compersion as "the positive feelings one gets when a lover is enjoying another relationship."

We say that we are feeling compersion when we take delight in a beloved's love for another.

Compersion - jealousy's opposite - empathizing with a lover's joy with another.

The terms polyfidelity and compersion were coined at the Kerista Commune.

"Compersion," explains Tom, "is the little warm glow that you get when you see somebody you really care about loving somebody else and being loved."

The term "compersion", taking joy in the joy of loved ones, is generally considered an antonym of schadenfreude.

(A simple test of success: would seeing one's lover find another partner be cause for happiness [compersion] or alarm?)

The InnKeeper defines compersion as "A feeling of joy when a loved one invests in and takes pleasure from another romantic or sexual relationship."

They employ their own vernacular, such as "compersion" - neology for transmuting the feeling of jealousy into joy, experienced when you see your partner enjoy the love of someone else.

From Opening Up, Serena Anderlini-D'Onofrio writes that compersion is, in part, "the ability to turn jealousy's negative feelings into acceptance of, and vicarious enjoyment for, a lover's joy".

Facilitators like Deborah Anapol, Sacred Space's director, use exercises like "jealousy compersion challenge" (in which you practice feeling glad that your mate is with another) and soothing group massage (above).

For many, such relationships are ideally built upon values of trust, loyalty, the negotiation of boundaries, and compersion, as well as overcoming jealousy, possessiveness, and the rejection of restrictive cultural standards.

Therefore, jealousy and possessiveness are generally viewed not so much as something to avoid or structure the relationships around, but as responses that should be explored, understood, and resolved within each individual, with compersion as a goal.

COMPERSION Compersion is a term invented by the now defunct Kerista Community to describe an emotion which is the opposite of jealousy.

The Polyamory society defines compersion to be "the feeling of taking joy in the joy that others you love share among themselves, especially taking joy in the knowledge that your beloveds are expressing their love for one another".

It is usually preferred or encouraged that a polyamorist strive to view their partners' other significant others (often referred to as OSOs) in terms of the gain to their partners' lives rather than a threat to their own (see compersion).

Polyamory, on the other hand, is a more modern outlook grounded in such concepts as gender equality, self-determination, free choice for all involved, mutual trust, equal respect among partners, the intrinsic value of love, the ideal of compersion, and other mostly secular ideals.

If you can't imagine feeling compersion instead of jealousy, you might begin to move in this direction by focusing on the happiness your beloved feels at the prospect of an additional loving relationship rather than your own discomfort about the possibility of losing someone very precious to you.

In romantic relationships, thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and/or anxiety over anticipated loss of a partner or of that partner's attention, affection, or time elicit both compersion and jealousy as natural reactions to perceived complexities of nonmonogamy and are quite extensively covered in polyamorous literature.