"The sheriffs department couldn't find its ass with both hands."

"Yeah, well, that's mostly because you couldn't find your ass in the dark without using both hands and a map," snapped a third voice.

Can't find his ass with both hands, and he wants respect!

He had yet to meet one senior officer on Earth that could find his ass with both hands.

Sometimes can't find his ass with both hands, but he's all right.

One of these days I'm going to find the guy with the "right clearance" and feed him his ass.

He couldn't find his ass with both hands and a roadmap.

As if he could find his own ass with both hands and a flashlight!

But like I said earlier, the fact that they can't find their ass with both hands has been useful as hell from my perspective.